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Hello! Welcome to Tarabytes, my monthly e-zine/digital diary!
So how was your month? Mine has been more productive than they’ve been in a while! I’ve actually felt like pursuing projects that I’ve had in mind, and that feels super good! I attribute a lot of this to the anti-anxiety meds I started taking in January. Just this morning Craig asked me, “How are you feeling? Like, how are you really feeling?”. The truth is, I’ve been feeling about as good as I’ve ever felt. It’s almost embarrassing for me to say it, but the meds are helping SO MUCH. Prior to taking them, I always felt like I had SO many feelings, too many, just ready to burst out of me at any moment. Now, all the same feelings are still there, but I feel like I have the space in my head to deal with them, rather than let them overwhelm me.
In talking with Craig, I said something to him like “I definitely think the meds are working” and he said, “They are helping, but you are the one working”. Damn, I love that guy.
Now, on with the e-zine!
First, I have a question for you. Last month, I talked about how everyone is a little bit privileged (link below) because privilege and oppression are a spectrum and we ALL fall somewhere on that spectrum. When I started out by saying that you were privileged, did you agree with me? Did it take a minute for you to accept? Or did you disagree with me outright? It’s not easy to see our own privilege! In fact, it’s easier to see oppression than privilege just in general. The effects of oppression are usually more acutely seen and felt. It is inherent to the concept of privilege that it be hard to see. If it’s being done “right” those who benefit the most are the most unaware of their privilege. When you are part of a “dominant”, or privileged, group you don’t have to name yourself. Think about the way we talk about trans people. The term cisgender, or cis, has been used in social justice circles for a while but is far from mainstream use. Not sure what cisgender means? If you aren’t sure, then it’s likely you are cis! Cisgender is the opposite of transgender, meaning your sense of personal identity matches the sex you were assigned at birth. Cis is the “norm”. I’m cis, and I don’t have to think about a lot of things that trans people have to think about. My life is easier in certain ways, just by virtue of not being trans. Because I’m not trans, and I’m not close with anyone who is, I had to make a significant effort to seek out information about trans people and their experiences. Before this, I had no idea the ways in which I am privileged to be cisgender. I have the privilege of not even being aware of the fact that I have privilege.
It’s a privilege to be blind to our own privilege.
To further complicate things, privilege is relative. Every single one of us has some privilege when compared to other people and your place of privilege can change depending on what peer group you are surrounded by. What do I mean by relative? Considered in relation to something else. If you are inside a moving car, in relation to the car, you are stationary. However, in relation to a person standing on the street, you are in motion. In this same way, everything you experience is shaped by your frame of reference or sort of "where you are" in relation to it.
Because your perspective is obviously shaped by your experiences, it makes sense that if you’ve experienced privilege (or oppression) in your life, that would shape your perspective as well. So your perspective becomes shaped by the advantages (or disadvantages) you experience in life. If you’re lucky enough to never have experienced something like police brutality then it might be hard to believe those who say they experience it. The mindset, "I’ve never experienced this, and I don’t know anyone who has, so it must not really be a problem”, is the epitome of privilege. Realizing that your experience is not universal is the first step to understanding your own privilege.
A relational view of privilege allows us to see that the conditions of our lives are connected to and made possible by the condition of other people’s lives. This boosts empathy! Yay! Back to that whole empathy thing from edition #3 (link below)! Empathy is the "social glue” that helps us gain information to understand others’ emotions and create deeper connections.
In the US the mentality of “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” is prevalent, but what
if you don’t have boots? Or even feet? It’s easy to assume that your experience is the norm, and take for granted that the situations of others are the same. I read 'Al Franken, Giant of the Senate’ this month (link below) and here’s what he has to say in regards to the concept of “bootstraps":
“I felt like the luckiest kid in the world—and that’s because I was. Then I met Franni, and she didn’t grow up that way. She grew up poor because her dad died when she was 18 months old. Her mom was 29 years old with five kids and a high-school education. They were hungry; they had the heat turned off and the phone turned off. But they made it. And they made it because of Social Security survivors’ benefits. They made it because of Pell Grants and scholarships. They made it because of the GI Bill. My mother-in-law took out a GI Bill loan [as the widow of a veteran] and went to college and had all of her loans forgiven because she taught Title I kids. That’s the story: Every one of her kids made it into the middle class. They tell you to pull yourself up by the bootstraps? But first, you have to have the boots. And the government gave them the boots.”
Unfortunately, with the direction that our government is going, there will be fewer and fewer boots to go around. When you realize the relational nature of privilege, and that we are all privileged in relation to someone else, I think empathy comes easier. Empathy encourages connections between those who don’t share the same experiences, and I like I talked about in edition #3, those connections are the beginnings of what I think is the answer to creating a more unified and equitable society for us all.
And that’s it for this edition of Tarabytes! Thank you so much for following along with me over the past 8 months.
AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL! I want to hear all your thoughts on privilege and empathy and everything in between! Until next month…
Tara A.
