Be Who You Needed - Tarabytes E-Zine 2nd Edition

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Happy 2017!

December has been a busy month (hence why you are receiving this on January 9th instead of the 1st)! Does everyone’s December get super chaotic, or is it just mine? Among the major events of the past month were the usual holiday festivities, family Christmas photos with the pup included, my very first therapy appointment (yay for fixing yourself!), creating a ceiling tile for a local restaurant chain (pics coming soon!), working on some new ideas around sharing my creative play-time, and the launch of a few new products in my shop (relevant links below!)

As many people probably have this past month, I’ve been thinking a lot about resolutions and goals for the upcoming year. The end of the year always gets me in the mood to make big plans, and with 2016 being what it was, I’ve been particularly eager to move on to bigger and better things. Then I came across an awesome quote on Franchesca Ramsey’s instagram that hit me right in the feels:

"Be who you needed when you were younger"

I've seen this quote before and liked it, but Franchesca’s beautiful caption is what really got me. She talked about how much 16 year old Franchesca could have used current Franchesca in her life as a role model, inspiring consciousness and self-esteem in her teen self. The thought completely resonated with me. Thinking about the person I am today, even the person I was a few years ago, and the person I hope to be going forward, I think I would make a decent role model for my younger self. But I also think I could be doing a better job. Goals for the year: established.

So who, exactly, is it that I needed when I was younger? Basically, some independent, ambitious, bad-ass, older sister-types, who took no shit.

I’ve felt a little conflicted about really opening up about this, because I don’t want to imply AT ALL that the role models I did have, were bad role models in any way! NOT THE CASE. I want to give tons of credit to the people in my life for all the ways they were positive role models for me. What follows are just some influences that I think I would have really benefited from when I was younger. They’re the little extra “edge” I could have used in feeling ok about myself early on, when I was most impacted by others' opinions of me.

THE BITCH

As many women my age would probably tell you, as little girls, we grew up being taught, intentionally and unintentionally, that to be a good little girl, meant to be "quiet and polite” (links below). These subtle and not-so-subtle messages have stayed with me throughout my life. I’ve noticed I often censor myself for fear of not being liked or being labeled bossy or a bitch, especially in the workplace. I often feel guilt about staying quiet when I don’t want to or know I shouldn’t.

I wish there had been a few bad-ass women in my life to show me that, in the immortal words of Tina Fey, "Bitches get stuff done.”

I wish I’d realized earlier that asserting myself and my needs is not bossy or bitchy, it’s taking responsibility for myself. No one’s going to do it for me, and there’s no reason I should stay quietly unhappy, just because speaking up (kindly, but firmly, of course) might tarnish the “sweet-as-pie” image someone has of me. I spent so many years scared of the word “bitch", before I realized that was kinda the point of it. Bitch is a word that has been used to demoralize women for 100’s of years, among other words (links below). I still have a lot of work to do in this area, but as I’m learning more and more, these words and antiquated ideas about what it means to be a girl are losing their power. I used to try to stay small and quiet, I didn’t want to be noticed, because I thought that’s what the world wanted from me. I’m over that, and am realizing now that I’m worth noticing. And now I’m excited when someone thinks I’m a bitch, because at the very least it means I made an impression!

I also think if I’d had more experience standing up for myself and more room to express how injustice felt when I experienced it, I’d have had an easier time seeing and empathizing with the injustice going on around me. I had a “life isn’t fair, get used to it” perspective, and no real grasp on the concept that there was anything to be done about changing it. I eventually came to realize that injustice is not something that one can just “get used to” nor should they have to, myself included. Injustice is also not something that will ever get better by being complacent about it. Talking about injustice when you see it is the very first step to reversing it. I so wish I'd had some kick-ass sisters to show me that when things are not fair, “getting used to it” isn’t the only option. You can speak up. It doesn’t make you bitchy or bossy or needy or whiny. It makes you a human.

THE BOSS LADY

Most of the people in my family and life growing up, had traditional jobs. Monday-Friday, 8-5 office jobs or something where they worked for a boss. There’s obviously absolutely nothing wrong with a job like this, but it became clear to me pretty quickly when I joined the workforce, that this style of working just doesn’t work for me. But I didn’t know I had any other options! Until college, the concept of starting a business wasn’t even on my radar. I guess I knew it was a possibility that some super lucky people got to take advantage of, but I could never do it. The plan was always: High school. College. Good Paying Job.

Check. Check. Check. Now what?

I wasted a lot of time thinking that the job I was in was my best option, my only option, even though the job itself didn’t make me happy and I felt uncomfortable and misunderstood in the traditional work environment. I don’t regret my experiences in the traditional job market, I learned tons and met lots of great people, but I do regret thinking that something was wrong with me, when in fact, I just thrive in a different kind of work environment than many people!

I wish I’d been able to see, up close, ambitious entrepreneurs hustle it out! I think seeing alternative job options would have been valuable for me.

I’d have loved to see the ups and downs of entrepreneurship on a personal level. I think it would have inspired and scared me!

THE THERAPIST

One of the biggest things I needed when I was younger was help figuring myself out. I wish there had been someone I really trusted, that could listen to my inner-most thoughts and help me to decipher them. In my family, talking about our feelings is something we did not really do. It was no one’s fault really, I was well adjusted enough to get through daily life, so nothing to really talk about, right? Well, not really, but it was a reasonable enough thought. Looking back, I really think I would have benefited from seeing a therapist. I think I may have been better prepared to handle some big life situations with a little more grace. I wasn’t even really aware of therapy as a child and by the time I was, the stigma had already been well established. I wish there had been a cool role model in my life who went to therapy and who modeled that growing and changing yourself for the better, is possible.

Up until the last the few years or so, therapy wasn’t something I was open to whatsoever, and I really regret that mindset. But it’s never too late! I now know that tons of people go to or have gone to therapy, and am realizing a huge portion of the people I know go or have gone. But it still feels scary to talk about it. This is one of the reasons I mentioned my first therapy appointment in the introduction of this email. I feel a little weird about it, so that means other people probably do too. What better reason then, to just go ahead and mention it. Hopefully it helps someone else feel less weird about it. In fact, if you’ve been putting it off, I hope this shoutout encourages you to go ahead and make that appointment. It’s really not so scary, and it’s good to feel like you’re doing something to make yourself feel better. Check out the links below if you need help finding someone in your area.

THE MENTOR

I feel like I wasted a lot of time in my late teen and early adult years because I lacked any real vision for my life. And by the time I figured out that I even needed a “vision” I felt so far behind! I could have used an advisor, someone that noticed my interests and abilities and encouraged me to pursue them. I didn't find planning and goal setting until later in life, but when I did, it changed everything. It was what I needed to organize my dreams into the "vision" for my life and work toward making it a reality.

I think having a mentor to help organize my mind, help me set goals and keep me accountable would have been extremely helpful, especially at the beginning of college, when I genuinely had zero idea about what I wanted to do with my life. Heck, I still think I could use a mentor! Especially in my business, I think having someone experienced to bounce ideas off of or to just talk things out with would be incredibly helpful! Mentorship, as both mentee and mentor, is something I intend on looking into more in 2017.

VISION FOR 2017 AND BEYOND

In the spirit of creating a vision for my life, here is my vision for 2017 and beyond:

I want to keep talking about my feelings, not that I could really stop at this point. Even if I tried, they’d just leak out through my face.
I want to keep talking about talking about my feelings. I obviously won’t share anything too personal (probably) but I want to keep the topic of therapy open and easy, because I think it should be.
I want to model the type of person who stands against all types of injustice. I want to be the kind of person who stands up for myself and for others. This is a hard one for me. The fear is strong.
I want to keep on keeping on being a boss lady and to share my journey with my followers and those in my life.
I want to be who I needed when I was younger. If I can be that person for myself, I can maybe be that person for someone else who needs her.

Thank you for taking the time to read this edition of Tarabytes! This one feels a bit like an overshare, but that’s probably just going to be the way it is, I think.

Do you have anything to share with me? If so, please reply to this email. I read and respond to all messages personally and would love to hear from you!

Also, I mentioned in the introduction that last month I launched a collection of shirts and products to go along with each new edition of Tarabytes! Links below to the designs from this month and last month! Please check them out and let me know what you think! You even have the chance to buy the original paper artwork used to create this e-zine, if that's your kind of thing.

Thank you again and have a wonderful January!

Christmas Photos:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10158168070185352.1073741836.536055351&type=1&l=58338f4cf8

Scrapbooking/Insta:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BOLGCTkgkY4/?taken-by=tarabledesigns&hl=en

New Products!

http://www.tarabledesigns.com/shop/

Franchesca:

https://www.instagram.com/chescaleigh/?hl=en

Quiet Girls:

https://childmind.org/article/raising-girls-with-healthy-self-esteem/

Bitch: