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Hey, Friend!
Welcome to the May edition of Tarabytes! I really can’t believe that I’ve been working on this e-zine for 6 months now. I’ve been putting my all into it, and I so appreciate the feedback and support I've received from many of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
For me, the month of April was filled with food, friends, wine, yoga, and puppies! How can it get any better, really?
* We've been trying out several new food subscription services, and they’ve really gotten me into the mood to cook, which is totally new for me.
* UCF Celebrates the Arts was back again this year at the Dr. Philips Center (link below)! Craig and I attended several of the shows (FOR FREEEEEEE), including OKLAHOMA! Fun fact, I was a “chorus girl” in my high school’s production of OKLAHOMA! in 2005. Link below to a #FBF! Ah, memories.
* Yoga Wednesday has become my much-needed sweat time, followed by even more needed friend time! AND WINE.
* I was fortunate enough to meet the new puppy of a dear friend. His name is Apollo and he is JUST FREAKING PRECIOUS (picture for proof/bragging rights). And as I write this, I’m currently puppy-sitting my family dog/brother pup, Bentley, so my parents could attend a Jeep event with their friends. This has been the best, most puppy filled week ever!
Ok. So, let’s get into what I really want to talk about this month (and kinda of always).
Last month I discussed equity and how it’s a prerequisite for equality. You can read the whole thing at the link below, but as a quick refresher, equity focuses on fairness and takes into account the unique needs of different people. I suggest that equity is a more immediate solution to injustice and that equality should be the longer term goal.
This month I want to talk about PRIVILEGE. Oooh...touchy, right? Well, honestly, it really doesn’t have to be. Privilege is the opposite of oppression and in the context of social inequality, refers to "unearned benefits” given to people who fit into specific social groups.
But at its core, privilege is what everyone would (and should!) experience if we actually had complete equity.
If some of this seems familiar, it’s because the bulk of this information has been available on my website since it launched, back in October. I wanted to repurpose that information because I received really encouraging feedback and feel that it’s information that can’t be shared too much! I also am sharing about privilege again because this is something I feel super passionate about. I’ll get into it a bit later in this edition of the e-zine, but let’s just say I feel an extreme sense of duty to share what I’ve come to learn about my privileges with those over whom I might have some influence.
So let’s get this out of the way right now: having privilege does not mean you are a bad person. Having it does not mean that you do not work hard or don’t deserve the things you’ve earned. It simply means that, based on systems you have no control over, you are the receiver of certain benefits that others are not. Some have had to be better people and work harder, just to meet the same standard. Privilege is systemic and is embedded into our social patterns. We can talk about the reasons why and how certain types of privilege were instituted, but the bottom line is that where privilege exists, equity does not.
I can relate to the guilty and/or defensive feelings that the idea of privilege might elicit, especially at first. But as with most problems in life, we can’t deal with them until we define them. Pointing out how you may be privileged in certain ways is not meant as an insult, it’s meant to open your eyes to new perspectives. As an example, most of us have the internet, right (not sure how you’d be reading this otherwise)? In many countries, there is not the same standard of a strong, stable, relatively inexpensive internet connection. Something we rarely even think about. Basically,
if you don’t have to think about it, its a privilege.
When we become aware of the privileges in our own lives, we can be more compassionate to other people’s situations (more on compassion in Edition #4, link below). I am passionate about this! I think most people are generally reasonable, logical and caring, which is why I think that if the nuances of privilege were discussed more openly, the true work, ending oppression, could be the focus! Talking about our own privileges is an uncomfortable thing (*foreshadowing!). But the discomfort reminds us of the unfairness and moves us to try to stop it.
There are lots of types of privilege, but one of the easiest to understand in my opinion is able-bodied privilege. If you are free from disabilities, you have able-bodied privilege. The privilege of being an able-bodied person is built into society. It’s the norm. Disabled bodies are an afterthought. Think about how stores, restaurants, and most homes, are designed with the able-bodied person’s body in mind. Often, things need to be modified or specially designed for people with disabilities. For someone with a disability, it could be worrisome to visit unfamiliar places, because they might not be sure if the place can accommodate their disability. These are just some of the things that if you don’t have a disability, or aren’t close with someone who does, you’ve probably never thought about. You have the privilege of not having to worry about it. Again with the whole "not having to think about it" thing.
I talked above about how privilege is actually what everyone would experience if we had true equity in society. Think about how differently a pregnancy might affect the career of a man versus a woman. For obvious reasons, women have to take significant time off, where men have the choice to take the time or not. A woman’s career could be jeopardized by this fact, while this is not the case for men. The male experience is the “default” in this case. Women are expected to conform their experience based solely on their biology, even though men are just as responsible for pregnancies as women. Males have the privilege of not worrying about how a pregnancy, planned or otherwise, might interfere with their careers. In an equitable situation, all parents have the privilege of taking the appropriate amount of time to recover and bond with their children and are supported equally in their quest for work and family balance.
My first introduction to the term “privilege” was in 2009, in an online Intro to Women’s Studies course at the University of Central Florida. The professor assigned the article “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Patty McIntosh (links at the end of the e-zine). This was my first true foray into the idea that certain experiences I take for granted are not universal experiences.
I grew up in a small rural town in Central Florida and lived a pretty sheltered life. We went to church every Sunday and hung out with my extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) weekly. My parents, while they weren’t the strictest, definitely kept tabs on what I was doing most of the time. My closest group of friends was heavily involved in the baptist church, so my parents didn’t really need to worry. I was also a cute, white girl, with a middle-class lifestyle, so I didn’t have much to worry about either. I was happy (enough), got good (enough) grades and didn’t really get into trouble.
Fast forward to 2009. I’m reading the McIntosh article and something clicks. It’s a tiny click, but it’s the very first in a series of “clicks” that has brought me to huge realizations that have opened my heart and mind.
Admittedly, while reading through the white privilege list in the article, there were points that made me feel uncomfortable, some that I didn’t fully understand, and some that I flat out disagreed with. But there were also so many points where I thought to myself, “This makes sense, why has no one said anything about this before?”. Particularly #26 "I can choose blemish cover or bandages in “flesh” color and have them more or less match my skin”. Something so simple, yet so BLATANTLY unfair. This stuck with me (pun intended, obviously).
Since then, I’ve been able to expand my knowledge about privilege. I wound up minoring in Women’s Studies after that first class and became very interested in feminism, which often focuses its attention on male privilege. Because I am female, it was pretty easy for me to see and relate to most examples of male privilege. What was harder was facing my own privilege, particularly my white privilege.
So, remember how I mentioned that some of those points from the white privilege list made me feel uncomfortable? Ya. Realizing you’ve been, at best, party to oppression, and at worst, an oppressor, is not really the most comfortable feeling. At first, I felt defensive. I wanted to explain myself. I’m not that kind of white person! For a long time, I pushed the idea away, because it felt bad. But once you’ve become even a little bit aware of the ways your privilege can affect others, it’s hard to forget. This is when I first started realizing just how incredibly important it is to become aware of and listen to, the voices of those whose experiences are different than mine. This seems so ridiculously obvious to me now. But, in the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, “privilege blinds” (link at the end of the e-zine). While seeking out information and hearing more and more new perspectives, I realized that, well, this just isn’t about me. This isn’t about my comfort. I should absolutely be uncomfortable with oppression! It’s taken me a long time, years even, to understand that having privilege does not make me a bad person. I did not ask for my privilege, and I did not set up the power systems that keep it in place. What matters is what I choose to do with the privilege I’ve been given.
Because I've had the privilege (ahem) of being able to come to these realizations, I feel obligated to share them. And because of some of the feelings I've experienced in learning about and dealing with my own privilege, I feel strong empathy for those who may not be “there” yet. Waking up to my own privilege was and still is hard, and I want to try to make it easier for others. I’ve witnessed so much misunderstanding around the concept of privilege, and remember my own misunderstanding. I also see how much this misunderstanding is dividing us as a country and as individuals. Those who "get it" are feeling frustrated. Those who don’t are feeling judged or accused. I want to help bridge that gap in whatever small way I can, including gently leading those I might influence to make sense of their privilege. I understand that I can only lead those with whom I share privilege, not those over whom I hold privilege. I also understand the need to pay close attention to the voices of marginalized people when working through how to best focus my talents toward eradicating oppression. The more I listen and learn, the better equipped I am to help others understand. My intent is to put my privilege to use toward ending privilege. More on that in future editions…
In the meantime, below is a list of my favorite resources on privilege. There is some really good stuff in there. I especially recommend the Louis CK video!
Privilege 101: A Quick and Dirty Guide
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/09/what-is-privilege/
University of San Francisco ‘Check Your Privilege’ Campaign
https://myusf.usfca.edu/student-life/intercultural-center/check-your-privilege
The Origins of “Privilege: An Interview with Peggy McIntosh
http://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/the-origins-of-privilege
A short comic gives the simplest, most perfect explanation of privilege I've ever seen.
What is Privilege?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD5f8GuNuGQ&autoplay=1&app=desktop
What We Aren’t Talking About When We Talk About ‘White Privilege’
Louis CK on White Male Privilege: Explicit Language Warning! But Hilarious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkJOcpapKGI
WHITE PRIVILEGE
Explaining Privilege to a Broke White Person
20 Example of White Privilege that Protects White People from the Police
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/06/white-privilege-and-police/
Privilege Lists:
White Privilege
http://nationalseedproject.org/white-privilege-unpacking-the-invisible-knapsack
Straight Privilege
Male Privilege
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/11/30-examples-of-male-privilege/
Christian Privilege
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/05/list-of-examples-of-christian-privileg/
Upper-Class Privilege
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/10/list-of-upperclass-privilege/
Cisgender Privilege
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2011/11/list-of-cisgender-privileges/
Able Body Privilege
https://crippledscholar.wordpress.com/2016/06/22/the-flaws-in-literally-checking-your-privilege/
Thank you so much for reading this edition of Tarabytes! Whether this is your first time reading or you’ve been here for the last 6 months, I want to express my sincerest gratitude to you for taking the time to read this e-zine. Without you, I’d literally be writing to myself. Or just to Craig. He has to proof-read regardless 😃
Thank you!
