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WARNING
**What follows will consist of sharing of feelings, talk about mental health, over-analyzation of said feelings and mental health, likely a good dose of venting and a personal pep-talk***
I have to admit that this edition is late partly because I have been putting off writing because things have felt like too much to process. I tend to need lots of time to process my feelings and thoughts (INFJ here!) before I feel ok sharing them. It’s been a difficult couple months. Lots of shit has happened in the world. Honestly, I feel like I’m getting off the hook a bit here because there are literally just TOO MANY topics to cover. Hurricanes. Earthquakes. White supremacists and Nazis. The NFL "to kneel or not to kneel” debate. ANOTHER MASS SHOOTING.
Lots of good and fun stuff has been happening in my life too, but sometimes the bad stuff just really seems to take the full view. I can get sucked into the political turmoil pretty easily and I tend to waste a lot of time caring too much about other people’s opinions. This might sound strange, but I’m a very sensitive person and stuff like this going on in the world drains my energy and can bring about little bouts of depression. When I’m feeling this way, I really only feel like staying in bed and become completely unproductive. I've been working hard on this e-zine but missed TWO (self-imposed) deadlines in the past two months. I announced my new FB group and then posted NOTHING to it. In my depressed mind, this is proof that I suck at life and can't-do anything right (cute huh?). It can become something of a cycle. Working on this e-zine or another project is usually what pulls me out of these feelings. I need to feel like I’m “contributing” to something in some way to feel happy. Working on this e-zine makes me feel like I’m contributing to the world in a way that I can be proud of <3. With that in mind, for this edition, I want to talk about the concept of “Checking Your Privilege”. Is it weird to preface a convo about “Checking Your Privilege” with talk of my own feelings and mental health? Hope not, cause that just happened. I’ll bring it all together later, promise!
If you’ve been following along with Tarabytes for a while you are likely familiar with the concept of privilege and the idea that we all have it in some form or another. If not, you can catch up at the START link below. I’ve been on a journey to understand my privilege for a few years now, and I have already processed a lot of the guilt I felt about it initially. But still when someone tells me I need to “check my privilege”, my first response is to get defensive. I know that especially when I first became aware of discussions of privilege, the phrase felt like a provocation. And even using it now in actual discussions feels divisive somehow. In reality, to “check your privilege” just means to reflect on the ways in which your privilege has shaped your perspective.
"Check Your Privilege” is a call for self-reflection!
“Check your privilege” is a request for you to examine how all the experiences in your life, good and bad, have shaped how you experience the world. I've talked before about how it’s so much easier to see the oppression we face and not the privilege that benefits us (as was my case in almost instantly seeing the male privilege that I do not have, and not as easily seeing the white privilege that I do have (#6). “Checking your privilege” requires honest self-reflection on how your perspective of the world is shaped by both the disadvantages and the advantages you’ve experienced in life. When someone uses this phrase they are likely asking you to question your perspective, because the opportunities you have experienced may be blinding you to another perspective. Really, checking your privilege is about shifting your perspective (are we noticing an overall theme to the e-zine? Good!).
http://www.tarabledesigns.com/tarabytes/2016/12/1/d1xez16ynpbtgx6r1gj3fezhvpne6s
I’ve talked before about the different types of privilege we can experience (for more info on each of the different types of privilege, click the PRIVILEGE link below for my roundup of privilege resources), and below are the most glaring examples:
Male, Straight, White, Cis, Able-bodied, Wealth
"Checking your privilege" means really taking a look at this list and thinking about ways in which you might experience either privilege or oppression in your life. I check a lot of boxes on this list, which indicates that I experience a significant amount of privilege.
When I’m asked to “check my privilege”, I try to think about how a particular privilege of mine might be affecting my ability to see the full picture of a given situation. I try to look at all the ways that privilege has affected my life, and reverse engineer my experience to better understand the experience of someone without that privilege. This self-reflection allows me to go into the world with a more complete and compassionate worldview.
Self-reflection affects my mental health as well (told you!). I often close off when I’m in the midst of a “look in the mirror” because this crap is not easy, whether I’m reflecting on privilege, mental health or any other issue in life. Things get even more complicated when acknowledging that talking about my mental health is in itself a privilege! While it’s usually not easy during the journey, self-reflection is a necessary and productive part of life. Only after acknowledging the crap in our lives can we then go about cleaning it up.
I know that I live and participate in a system of privilege (#9) that I cannot control, but I will do what I can to work against it. In edition #8 I talk about how “it’s a privilege to be blind to our own privilege”. Oppressed people feel the effects of privilege every day, while those who benefit from privilege are very often completely unaware of the very privilege that benefits them. It’s the least I can do to try to not have to be asked to "check my privilege”, so because of that, I’m constantly trying to "check it" every day on my own.
How I check my privilege daily:
* This is a suggestion I give in pretty much every edition of Tarabytes but…I make it a point to listen to and read about the experiences of the oppressed, directly from them. I will leave a few book/article suggestions to start you off at the end of this edition.
* I try to point out privilege every time I see it. I’m not saying I make a huge deal and start lecturing every time I see an example of privilege (I’d literally be lecturing all day). But I do make a note of it to myself. Then when I have a conversation with someone I have real-world examples to pull from. Trust me, once you start noticing it, you’ll see examples of privilege EVERYWHERE.
* Along the same lines, I try to point out to other privileged people when I am in a privileged position. It’s often easier for us to see privilege in others at first rather than ourselves, so if I point out my experience, other privileged people are more likely to see the similarities in our experiences and come closer to understanding their own privilege
* I try to remember to practice gratitude, especially helpful when I’m feeling frustrated. Acknowledge and be grateful for the privilege that I have. While in the long run, I want everyone to be on an equal playing field in every aspect, in the meantime, at least I have the ability to use my privilege for good. Toward ending privilege.
I make mistakes. The nature of privilege is to be invisible, so it’s pretty much a guarantee that I’ll miss it sometimes. And of course, it’s a learning process. But it’s worth it to keep pushing forward toward an equitable society.
Before I go, I want to quickly mention the Facebook group I started, in case you missed last month’s announcement. The Tarabytes Discussion Group (name pending!) is a new place to give myself a bit more privacy, but also still have the quick sharing and discussion functions of FB. I want to share things that make me feel a certain way about my privilege, good or bad. Things that resonate. Resources that I’ve found helpful. And just work through stuff in a more “real-time" kind of way. If you realize that you are privileged in certain ways, and are willing to be a witness to someone else working through their privilege, I really hope you will join me in the group! I hope that we can discuss and unpack our privilege together, little by little, but discussion is NOT a requirement of this group in any way. I’m not an authority on privilege, but watching others work through their shit has helped me work through some of mine. So that’s what I’m really hoping to do with this FB page. Join the group HERE.
HERE
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1930772910519501/
Thank you for reading the 10th edition of Tarabytes and thank you for all your support!
